What is Gender Affirmative Mentoring?

Some men experience what is called “weak gender identification.” This means that they do not fully identify themselves with masculinity or the gender characteristics of men. This is common in, but not limited to, young boys that do not have male role models in their lives or for some reason do not connect with these men. Many professionals believe that this contributes to the environmental factors that influence same-sex attraction. A young man experiencing weak gender identification, meaning he does not feel like a guy, may distance himself from other guys and then become curious about the masculine lifestyle. During or around puberty, there is a greater chance of this curiosity taking on a sexual nature, which may develop into same-sex attraction. (There is further reading on gender identification in the appendix, under the title, “What Worked for Us.”)

Gender Affirmative Therapy is therapy led by a professional where the focus is on helping the individual to identify himself as masculine. This is very difficult unless the young man has a masculine role model in every day life from whom he is able to learn.

Gender Affirmative Mentoring provides these young men with male role models who are secure in their masculinity. It can be compared to a Big Brother program, where the big brother is there to teach the younger brother how to be a man. The only difference is that these young men did not receive such mentoring as boys and need to receive it now if they want to become a part of the world of men and identify themselves as masculine, and in time throw off the programmed responses they have developed through same-sex attraction. The young men involved in mentoring are trying to live a straight lifestyle and, rather than simply focusing on their behaviors, are attempting to strike at the root of the problem.

A Gender Affirmative Mentor is not a counselor and is not necessarily a part of any therapy in regards to same-sex attraction. The sole role of the mentor is to be a masculine role model so that the young man can learn about masculinity from experience.

In the following pages, you will read what doctors have described as the characteristics of a good mentor. This is the ideal gender affirmative mentor and should be reviewed often. The young men that participate in such mentoring are allowing themselves into a situation of vulnerability because you will be privy to intimate knowledge about them which, in many cases, they have never shared with a non-professional. If you are to be a mentor, you must be able to be trusted with such knowledge.

The work you are participating in is not merely setting a good example, but life altering. You are fulfilling the call to “mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.” And more so, you are helping to provide a way out of the cause of mourning and discomfort. You are literally, in many cases for the first time, providing hope to the hopeless.

Some additional information is provided regarding same-gender attraction gender identification at the end of this booklet. This is for your information so that you can better understand your mentee. You are not expected to and should not provide counseling services to your mentee. Your role is to be an example of masculinity and nothing else.